Community rules & consent agreement.

The IncognitoSD community exists to provide a safe, respectful, consent-based environment for adults interested in kink, BDSM, fetish, and alternative relationship dynamics.

These rules apply at our events, in our member spaces, and in interactions between members when those interactions affect the safety and wellbeing of the community.

Membership and event attendance are privileges, not rights. By joining this community or attending our events, you agree to follow these standards.


1. Consent Comes First

Consent is the foundation of every interaction in this community.

All participation must be informed, voluntary, and ongoing.

Members must:

  • Ask and obtain informed consent or permission before initiating physical contact, sexual discussion, roleplay, honorifics, power-exchange language, or kink dynamics.

  • Respect "no" immediately and without argument, pressure, guilt, manipulation, or retaliation.

  • Recognize that consent can be withdrawn at any time and for any reason.

  • Understand that consent to one activity does not imply consent to any other activity.

  • Negotiate activities and scenes before they begin.

  • Respect established limits and boundaries throughout an interaction.

Joining a scene without prior negotiation is considered a consent violation.

Safewords & Consent Withdrawal

Participants are expected to establish and respect safewords or safe-signals with scene partners.

Common Example - The Traffic-light system:

  • Green: Continue

  • Yellow: Pause, slow down, or check in

  • Red: Stop immediately, go straight to aftercare

When a participant withdraws consent or calls a “red”, activity must stop immediately.

Because altered states such as subspace, domspace, intense emotional arousal, or stress can affect decision-making, we strongly discourage expanding the scope of a scene (or making new negotiations) while it is already underway.

2. Privacy & Confidentiality

Privacy is essential to a healthy kink community.

Members must not disclose another person's identity, attendance, participation, relationships, scenes, or personal information without their permission.

This includes, but is not limited to:

  • Sharing names

  • Sharing photographs

  • Sharing identifying details

  • Revealing attendance at events

  • Discussing another person's activities outside the community

Photography & Recording

Photography, video recording, audio recording, and image sharing is not allowed at most of our events. In rare cases such as a content creation party:

Photography, video recording, audio recording, and image sharing require the explicit consent of everyone identifiable in the recording or image.

Consent to take a photo does not automatically include consent to publish, distribute, or repost it. 

When an event calls for it, waivers will be provided for those who do not wish to have their photograph taken.

No Outing

Do not expose another person's involvement in the kink community (aka “outing” them) without their permission.

Example: You see sexy person A at an event doing kinky activity B. You then tell the awesome story to your other friend, who was not present and did not witness the activity, without sexy person A’s permission. Can be as serious as exposing someone else’s sexual orientation when that information is theirs and theirs alone to share.

Outing someone can have serious personal, professional, and social consequences and will be treated as a serious violation of community standards.

Overall Community Privacy

As IncognitoSD is located in a private residential community, respect for our location is of high importance.

  • Do not share the venue location with non-members.

  • Our venue is not open to the public nor does it retain regular operating or open house hours. Do not show up uninvited.

  • Tickets will never be sold at the door.

  • Respect our neighbors and follow signs and instructions about dress code and activities where applicable.

If it is found that you shared a private address with a non-member, we reserve the right to revoke your membership.

3. Respect for People

Treat all members with dignity and respect.

Expected conduct includes:

  • Honest communication

  • Respectful discussion and disagreement

  • Community-minded behavior

  • Accountability when mistakes occur

  • Consideration for the boundaries and experiences of others

The following are prohibited:

  • Harassment

  • Bullying

  • Stalking

  • Intimidation

  • Threats

  • Unwanted sexual attention

  • Hate speech or discrimination

  • Doxxing (publicly exposing someone’s private information)

  • Retaliation against anyone who reports concerns

  • Impersonation or deliberate misrepresentation

  • Unauthorized commercial solicitation

Community members are not required to engage with anyone, explain personal boundaries, or continue conversations they do not wish to have.

4. Membership Requirements

All members and guests must:

  • Be at least 21 years old

  • Present valid government-issued identification when required or requested by a staff member

  • Provide accurate information during the vetting process

  • Follow community rules and moderator instructions

Legal names and personally identifiable information are treated as confidential and used only for administrative and safety purposes.

5. Event Conduct

Orientation & Waivers

Members are required to attend orientation with IncognitoSD staff before their first event or rental booking.
This is where we will show you how to operate within our spaces, and where more specific rules regarding explicit and extreme activities will be presented. 

Private bookings will require the main renting party to sign a waiver.
Events, classes, and other Incognito hosted gatherings will occasionally require other types of waivers. All of which will be available at the time of booking a service or purchasing a ticket.

Respect the Venue

Members are expected to treat venues, hosts, staff, volunteers, and property with respect.

Members must:

  • Follow venue-specific rules

  • Clean up after themselves

  • Use designated play areas appropriately

  • Wear appropriate attire in public-facing areas

  • Avoid damaging facilities or equipment

Members may be held financially responsible for damage caused by negligence or misuse.

Respect the Space

After a scene:

  • Clean equipment used during play

  • Dispose of waste properly

  • Return shared equipment to its proper location

  • Take reasonable precautions to protect furniture, equipment, and facilities

6. Respect Active Scenes

Do not interrupt active scenes.

Do not approach participants during a scene or until they have left the scene area, unless specifically invited.

Do not ask to join scenes that are already in progress.

Maintain awareness of your surroundings and leave adequate space around active play areas.

See section 12 for how to report a Scene Safety Concern.

7. Touching & Property

Do not touch people, toys, equipment, or personal property without permission.

Visible equipment is not an invitation to use it.

When in doubt, ask, but please do not interrupt a scene to do so.

In addition, your own equipment and toys are your responsibility. Incognito is not responsible for lost or stolen items.

Rental Equipment

IncognitoSD may have toys and other additional equipment available to rent during an event or booking. 

Your skill level and consent awareness will be assessed before rental is approved.

8. Safer Play & Risk Awareness

Kink activities involve varying levels of physical, emotional, psychological, and social risk.

Every participant is responsible for helping ensure informed consent.

Members should communicate information that a reasonable person would want to know before agreeing to participate in an activity.

Examples may include:

  • Relevant physical limitations or injuries

  • Medical conditions affecting safety

  • Sexually transmitted infection (STI) risks relevant to the proposed activity

  • Experience level with the proposed activity

  • Other significant risk factors directly related to the scene

The purpose of disclosure is not to eliminate risk. It is to allow everyone involved to make informed decisions about the risks they choose to accept.

If you are attempting a new activity, seek education, mentorship, or supervision before engaging in it.

Dungeon Monitors and moderators may stop, modify, or end activities they reasonably believe present an unacceptable safety risk.

9. Sexual Activity & Health

Sexual activity may be permitted in designated areas at designated events.

Participants are responsible for their own sexual health decisions, risk assessments, and protective practices.

Safer-sex supplies may be available but should not be relied upon as your sole source of protection.

Members should not attend events while experiencing symptoms of a contagious illness.

We encourage members to follow current public health guidance and make informed decisions regarding vaccination and illness prevention.

When in doubt, please discuss this with your personal physician or consult the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

10. Drugs, Alcohol, & Impairment

Members must be able to provide informed consent.

It is our members’ responsibility to know their own limits of impairment by alcohol, drugs, or any substance that meaningfully affects judgment or consent capacity.

Though we do not wish to limit your adult experiences, anyone who appears too impaired to:

  • provide informed consent

  • respect informed consent (including rejection)

  • conduct themselves in accordance with community policies


may be denied entry, removed from an event, or restricted from participation at IncognitoSD’s sole discretion.

11. Weapons

Weapons are prohibited.

This includes:

  • Firearms

  • Tasers

  • Stun guns

Additional restrictions may be imposed by event organizers or venue requirements.

12. Reporting Concerns

If you witness conduct that appears unsafe, non-consensual, or otherwise concerning:

  • Contact a Dungeon Monitor (DM) or moderator immediately.

  • Do not intervene directly unless there is an immediate emergency requiring action to prevent imminent harm.

This policy exists because DMs and moderators are trained to assess situations without unnecessarily disrupting safe, consensual scenes.

Members are encouraged to report:

  • Consent violations

  • Harassment

  • Safety concerns

  • Rule violations

  • Conduct that threatens the wellbeing of the community

Reports may involve conduct occurring:

  • At community events

  • At community-sponsored activities

  • In member spaces

  • In private interactions between members when those interactions create legitimate community safety concerns

There is no deadline for reporting a concern.

How Reports Are Handled

We are committed to supporting individuals who come forward with concerns and taking reports seriously.

Supporting a reporting party does not mean conclusions are reached before information is reviewed.

Moderators will evaluate available information, prioritize community safety, and determine appropriate action based on the circumstances.

Our goal is to balance compassion, fairness, accountability, community safety, and education.

Retaliation against anyone who makes a report is prohibited.

Enforcement

Moderators may take action when community rules are violated or when behavior presents a risk to community safety.

Possible actions include:

  • Education and coaching

  • Verbal or written warnings

  • Behavioral agreements

  • Event removal

  • Temporary suspension

  • Membership suspension

  • Permanent removal

  • Referral to law enforcement when appropriate

Not every violation will result in the same consequence. Responses are based on severity, impact, patterns of behavior, and community safety considerations.

Zero-Tolerance Violations

The following may result in immediate removal and permanent banning:

  • Serious consent violations

  • Sexual misconduct

  • Content or conduct involving minors

  • Doxxing or outing

  • Credible threats of violence

  • Severe harassment

  • Retaliation against reporters

  • Illegal activity

Appeals

Members may appeal moderation decisions through the process designated by community leadership.

Whenever possible, appeals will be reviewed by someone who was not the primary decision-maker in the original action.

13. Community Responsibility

We strive to create a culture of consent, accountability,  and mutual respect.

No policy can eliminate all risk, and no organization can guarantee the behavior of its members.

Every participant remains responsible for their own conduct, decisions, and safety, as well as for respecting the consent, dignity, and wellbeing of others.